I almost didn't want to do this post after reading about Super Teddy over on Natasha's blog because that really put my small problems into perspective but in an effort to keep things more real around here I decided to post anyway. If you get a chance and have a box of tissues handy go check out Super Teddy's story. We need to help bring more awareness to his disease so that other babies may have a chance!
1.Finding Balance- I'm having the hardest time right now trying to juggle my roles as wife, mom, friend, sister, daughter, cook, dog mom, blogger, house cleaner, errand runner, bill payer, etc. I feel like I'm constantly dropping the ball on a few of these things and I'm not really sure how to make it all work. I have emails or texts from friends that go unanswered and are completely forgotten about until I'm feeding Miller at 2am and suddenly remember I was supposed to write someone back. I have at least 10 blog posts in my drafts that I just can't get around to finishing. I have 5 half read books on my Kindle. I've forgotten to pay our electric bill TWICE since Miller was born. I cannot remember to do anything, ever. If you want me to do something you have to write in about 5 places and set at least 5 reminders for me and then maybe I'll remember but I probably won't.
I hate feeling like this. It sucks. How on earth do these people with multiple kids find time to look cute, go to work all day, write a daily blog post, DIY a piece of furniture, cook dinner, wear a size 0, and have a smile on their faces?!
2. Miller Sleeps on his Stomach- with a blanket or lovie in a crib with bumpers. I'm pretty sure someone from the AAP just had a heart attack reading that sentence. Right after he turned 5 months old and could roll back and forth he immediately rolled right onto his tummy to sleep. At first, like all good first time parents, we rolled him back to his back. Then about 5 minutes later he would roll himself over. After playing this game for a few nights we just let it go. He then started sticking every limb out of the crib and getting it stuck. This turned into another get up and move him every 5 minutes and neither one of us was loving it, I bought a mesh bumper and I swear that first night we all had the best sleep ever. We are currently staying at my parents house and their crib has a regular bumper in it. At first I was going to take it out but I didn't and so far Miller has enjoyed snuggling his head up against it when he sleeps on this side. We let him have a lovie and blanket at naptimes when he was about 3 months and just over the past few weeks have we been letting him have them for bedtime too. I find he sleeps so much better when has a little security item with him to hold on to.
3. Speaking of Sleep... -What? Sleep? I'm not sure I remember what that is. Miller has never once slept through the night. Yes I've been lucky with a few 7pm-5am nights but those are few and far between and in general he's up at least once a night sometimes two usually around 1am and 3 or 4am. I've been working really hard on trying to let him cry/fuss as long as I can but most nights I end up losing and he ends up winning. It also doesn't help that I don't go to bed until at least 11pm so I need to work on that too. I guess I could get more sleep if I went to bed when he did at 7pm.
4. Postpartum Body- Even though I've read this article here that Katie shared on her blog it's still hard not to feel insecure even though my body did an amazing thing. At this point I've lost all my baby weight plus 8lbs. So yes I'm technically skinner than I was pre-pregnancy but it still doesn't feel like my body and nothing seems to be quite where it used to be. The holidays completely derailed my exercising and eating healthy plan so I'm trying hard to get back on that because I know that will make me feel better but it's still hard. Even when people say I look good or don't even look like I had a baby I still don't feel as confident as I used to. I don't know if this is just something I have to learn to accept or if I will start to gradually accept the changes to my body as time goes on. I know one day I probably won't care as much but as I struggle to find a balance in my new role as mom it's difficult not to be hard on myself.
5. The Love and the Worry- The love I have for Miller is so incredibly overwhelming sometimes it just makes me want to cry. I truly never knew that I could love something or someone as much as I love him. With this great motherly love also comes an intense need to want to protect my baby from everything and keeps me up at night worrying about things that aren't even relevant right now. After the watching the news and seeing all the horrible things out there I can't even imagine sending him to school or to the movies or to a friend's house to play alone when he's older or to college or pretty much anywhere without me. My mom says I will learn to accept these things and won't worry like this but that it's a gradual process that I will work on day by day and year by year. She said it's natural to want to protect your baby but that they too will grow up and you will get through it just like every other parent does.
Hope this wasn't too heavy for a Friday! Have a great weekend!